Cael told me from the moment he met me, he knew I was submissive. However, he did not divulge this thought until about two years later, when I brought up ttwd. Essentially, he knew I was submissive way before I even did. I asked him how he could tell so soon. He wasn't really sure, he said he got a vibe and that he has generally only ever been attracted to submissive girls, so, when he was attracted to me, he figured I had to be submissive as well.
I keep wondering, is it something I did? Said? Is it the way I walk? Facial expressions? Way of life? I'd love to read a study on submissives, though I'm not sure such a case exists.
Ever since he told me this, I've been thinking about it a lot. How was it that he knew? Can others read me like a book as well? It's perplexing, really.
I've read many blogs written by submissive women, or at least women who will submit to their men, in search of some sort of pattern. I don't like to generalize, but based on observation...
- they are intelligent women, I can tell based on the writing style and choice of content
- they are driven
- they spent a great deal of time thinking
- they are not pushovers
- they often struggle with submission even if it's what they want to the core
- they are supportive of their friends
- they are loyal
So in conclusion: I have no conclusion. My observations above seem to be common threads, yet, I have not found any "real" distinguishing factors between submissive women and those who are not. I'd be curious to know if anyone else has some insight on this. Also, feel free to leave a comment about your personality type, I'd be quite interested in that.
I'll start by sharing mine...I'm very shy in large groups but do well one-on-one. I'm also an introvert and gain energy from my time spent alone as opposed to time spend with other people. I have many good acquaintances but just a handful of close friends. I'm very sensitive to what others say to me. I smile a lot. In my vanilla life, I'm a private person, many people barely know me. I'm not assertive but will step in when I feel something is very important. I only choose to speak when I have something valuable to say. I LOVE listening to others. I'm a perfectionist. I'm a worrier. I want people to like me and it irks me if they don't. I'm honest, sometimes brutally, but won't tell you unless you ask. I can be quite competitive, yet most people wouldn't think of me like that. I hate confrontation. Sometimes I make myself unhappy to please others; I believe "people pleaser" is the name for that. I come off as angelic, almost too much so. Some people think I need to live a little!
I'm dying to know, what are you all like?! I read many blogs but not everything will shine through in a blogpost so please do enlighten.
On another note, I've updated my recipes section. If you're feeling healthy, check out my Asian Stir-Fried Tofu and if you're feeling sinful, check out my Fudge Brownies with Marshmallow Icing.
You are too easy, I would be driving Cael crazy trying to pin him down for more details.
ReplyDeleteI am surprised at how hard it is to explain myself. I am outgoing, often too blunt for my own good, assertive and sometimes overbearing. I am a perfectionist and will over volunteer my time just to make sure things get done the way I like. I too have many acquaintances but a few very close friends. I like schedules and order. I like to hang out with close friends and unwind with a few drinks but I also like staying home and spending time with my family. I am very sensitive to the feelings of those I love and will often place the blame on myself before others even when I am right.
Haha that made me laugh! Maybe I should be driving him crazy over it! But I think he honestly doesn't know!
DeleteThanks for commenting! I too found it surprisingly hard to describe myself and now I'm remembering things I left out! I, like you, also really like schedules and order. I also always put the blame on myself even when I know it wasn't my fault. It's hard, no? I wonder if spanking helps release that feeling of blame and if submission helps you let go of it because you're handing over the power to someone else.
I'm confident, assertive and outgoing. I'm very organized and could give lessons on how to multitask. I'm creative and quirky and just plain odd, or so I've been told. I rarely "blend in" with the crowd and I like it that way. I don't back down when I know I'm right no matter how intense the situation. I'm often perceived as strong enough to handle anything and have to work at not getting pulled into other peoples drama or letting them dump on me. My husband is my best friend and he is the only one I trust enough to share the REAL me with.
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, faerie! I'm like you...Cael is the only one who 100% knows the real me. I like it that way though!
DeleteFunny, I could tell my Sir was dominant right from the start too, I just knew he would like the DD lisfestyle :)
ReplyDeleteIts pretty hard to describe myself. Witty, quiet when i dont know someone, I dont do small talk...will talk if i have something to say kind of thing. I dont do spontaneous. I like lits and routine and schedules - which drives Sir insane but probaly where my desire for rules and boundaries stems from. m loyal, loving, not very confident and always second guessing myself.
Interesting that you could tell right away! Were you into DD before you met him? I didn't know of the lifestyle when I met Cael so I wasn't really thinking about whether or not he was a Dom, I'm not sure I really even knew what a Dom was at the time! Oh how he has corrupted me ;)
DeleteAnd gosh I'm not a fan of small talk either, it's just so..awkward. Plus I don't see the point in saying anything if there's nothing really great to say! I also really like routine. I get really annoyed if my sleeping pattern gets out of whack or if I eat meals at random hours of the day. I'm just a "little" type A ;)
I wasnt in my previous relationship before Sir, but my first marriage we were into erotic spanking, but not DD. I ddint know anything about the lifestyle until recently. I asked Sir to spank me to start with as a sexy thing and then i went to him with more and got to where we are now :)
DeleteOK, not sure, but what is a type A personality? In that I mean is there a type B C D etc? not heard of that before lol xx
There is Type A and Type B. One isn't better than the other or anything! Type A's are more high-strung and need every little thing to be just so or they get a little stressed whereas Type B's are much more easy-going. I have a little of each in me but definitely lean more towards Type A! You can check out the full descriptions on:
Deletehttp://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Type_A_and_Type_B_personality_theory
I'm a type A, driven person. I'm not submissive by nature or personality but I have made a choice to be submissive to my husband. That choice has helped me soften and I'm learning how to find my follower self.
ReplyDeleteInteresting, thanks for sharing, Susie! I'm also type A and driven and in fact I like to lead and manage people, but crave submitting to Cael. I'm still wrapping my head around that one...
DeleteHmmm, very interesting post, you've got me thinking. Maybe I'll ask Michael what he thinks too. :)
ReplyDeleteI'd be curious to know what he thinks!
DeleteHmmm, I'm glass and steel, tough and tender. I'm fiesty and like to be independent, and I can be fiery. I am fairly outgoing, most people would say I am very social- but I tend to shut down at times and go through periods where I only enjoy my family. I am very busy, I have so many interests my husband has to put his foot down when I won't say no to anything. I am not at all naturally submissive, but I am happiest when I am leaning on his strength and allow myself to be led. My desire is more to feel peaceful with him, and be close to him than it is a desire to submit.
ReplyDeleteI don't enjoy confrontation but I am willing to be authentic and honest even when its hard, if the relationship is meaningful to me. I love solitude, and it energizes me, but so do social situations and time with friends. I have many friends, but my best friend is my husband.
I enjoyed this post, and I like to read what others say :)
Thanks for sharing, Stormy! It is interesting to see what you and Susie had to say because you choose to submit but aren't naturally submissive. I'm split, I guess. Well, I'm never submissive to anyone except for Cael, and even then, I'm not always always feeling submissive, but I definitely lean that way!
DeletePersonally, I believe that the submissive part of me coexists with other personality traits that are unique to me- in that combination that is. So, some of what you describe is simply your personality and not necessarily part of the submissive element. The part of me that is submissive readily defers to authority. Henry has that effect on me, and often it manifests itself with men, at least when I was young and unattached. But I can and do fall in line behind women authority figures, but it does not feel the same, and comes from respect and obligation, rather than a natural inclination.
ReplyDeleteSubmitting to Henry came naturally to me. He would say the same about me, as Cael said about you- that he knew right away that I was submissive.
But he will also tell you that he admires and cherishes the side of me that is assertive and strong, and I am more than willing and able to stand up for myself if I need to.
I'm a natural submissive to Henry, but to no other man. It's taken me a while to understand that. Nice post!
Thank you for sharing your perspective, Elysia! Interesting point you bring up about personality not necessarily tying in with submission. I had been wondering if it did only because when I first met Cael I did not submit to him, so I thought maybe my personality had been a giveaway, but, perhaps it was not that. Maybe I was doing something subconsciously, who knows!
DeleteAnd I'm with you--I'd only ever be want submissive to Cael.
Hey Riley, check out my post. I talked about this post
ReplyDeleteI"m Type A for sure...I come across very confident but I'm not at all. I go home and worry about what everyone was thinking about me, I obsess about the conversations I have, put myself down - and everyone who knows me in person can't believe that at all about me. Interesting post for sure! I'll check out your tofu recipe...better not look at the browines!
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing, Ashley! I can relate, I'm an obsessor as well. I'll still think about conversations I had six months ago...why couldn't I have said x instead of y? If only I had said z, etc. I just need to let go sometimes!
DeleteHope you like the tofu. I always tell Cael he's going to make me go from 100 lbs to 1000 lbs with his baking requests. I best not be looking at brownies any time soon either ;)